| 1 | DET | Lions | Detroit | Too much risk it, eventually no biscuit. |
| 2 | PHI | Eagles | Philadelphia | It’ll be hard to win the NFL’s equivalent of the Pennsylvania High School Championship when you can barely beat a JV team from North Carolina. |
| 3 | KC | Chiefs | Kansas City | They keep finding new ways to make us think they’re going to lose before they win. |
| 4 | MIN | Vikings | Minnesota | They could end up being a 14-win wild-card team. |
| 5 | BUF | Bills | Buffalo | Josh Allen was Superman. The defense was Clark Kent. |
| 6 | PIT | Steelers | Pittsburgh | The best way to commemorate the 50th anniversary of their first Super Bowl win would be to get their seventh. |
| 7 | GB | Packers | Green Bay | They’ve lost four games to teams with a combined record of 34-5. |
| 8 | BAL | Ravens | Baltimore | Thanks to a doink, the bye week bumped them into the fifth seed. |
| 9 | DEN | Broncos | Denver | With the Colts, Chargers, and Chiefs still to come, they’ll earn that playoff spot, if/when they get it. |
| 10 | WAS | Commanders | Washington | Don’t look now, but their sure-fire postseason berth isn’t so sure anymore. |
| 11 | SEA | Seahawks | Seattle | They’ve found consistency. They soon might find a division title. |
| 12 | LAC | Chargers | Los Angeles | Hopefully, Jim Harbaugh will figure out how to beat the Chiefs sooner than he figured out how to beat Ohio State. |
| 13 | TB | Buccaneers | Tampa Bay | Who’s the biggest threat to beat the Lions in the playoffs? How about the only team that has beaten the Lions all year? |
| 14 | HOU | Texans | Houston | The upcoming Christmas game against the Ravens could be a preview of their playoff game. |
| 15 | LA | Rams | Los Angeles | The Rams are the last team any NFC playoff team wants to see in the playoffs. |
| 16 | IND | Colts | Indianapolis | After Sunday’s must-win game against Denver, the schedule gets very soft. |
| 17 | SF | 49ers | San Francisco | At this rate, they’ll have to bring back Roger Craig to run the ball. |
| 18 | ARI | Cardinals | Arizona | The Cardinals peaked too soon — and then fell off the cliff. |
| 19 | MIA | Dolphins | Miami | It’s probably better to finish strong and just miss the playoffs then to make it and go one-and-done again. |
| 20 | ATL | Falcons | Atlanta | No matter what happens the rest of the year, it’s looking like Kirk Cousins won’t be the starter in 2025. |
| 21 | CIN | Bengals | Cincinnati | No AFC should want to see them in the playoffs. |
| 22 | NO | Saints | New Orleans | At 3-1, interim coach Darren Rizzi is earning consideration for the permanent gig. |
| 23 | DAL | Cowboys | Dallas | Leon Lett is finally off the hook. |
| 24 | CHI | Bears | Chicago | Well, at least they didn’t lose because of horrible late-game clock management. |
| 25 | NYJ | Jets | New York | Will Aaron Rodgers play well enough down the stretch for someone to hand him a starting job in 2025? |
| 26 | CAR | Panthers | Carolina | They’re playing better, but at some point they need to win a game. |
| 27 | CLE | Browns | Cleveland | They’re still better off with Jameis Winston than with Deshaun Watson. |
| 28 | JAX | Jaguars | Jacksonville | The Titans-Jags rivalry has come a long way, in the wrong way, since 1999. |
| 29 | NE | Patriots | New England | They’ll be cannon fodder in their final four games — Cardinals, Bills, Chargers, Bills. |
| 30 | TEN | Titans | Tennessee | Hey, the UFL is looking for expansion teams. |
| 31 | LV | Raiders | Las Vegas | At least they have Brock Bowers. |
| 32 | NYG | Giants | New York | Fix the dumpster fire? As best we can tell, the dumpster fire is working perfectly. |
